Growing Into My Training

I currently play in a lovely amateur community orchestra. Many of the people I play with played their instruments in school and never had a private lesson. After high school, they moved onto college, career, and family, leaving the instruments behind. Our orchestra gives them the perfect opportunity to dust off the ole fiddle, rosin up the bow and play once again. While some have taken a few lessons as adults, the music is still challenging, especially for who don’t have a lot of time for practice or have not had lot of technical guidance. All in all, I think playing with this group is a positive experience for musicians of all abilities. I believe the community appreciates us as well.

At times I wish we would play more than arrangements of great works I’ve played and not so many of the pieces I played in junior high. And then, sometimes I play just like those who haven’t played in 20-30 years. It is at those times I hesitate to share my musical resume’.
I started playing the cello in 1974 at the age of nine. Once, when I was in the 8th grade, I officially “quit”. That lasted about three months. For the first 15 years I played the cello, I had private lessons for the majority of the time, including the summers. I played in a variety of orchestras and ensembles and attended music camps. I’ve even logged a few hours of practice over the years. While there have been periods of time when I didn’t play for several months in a row, those times never seemed to last long enough to declare, “I’ve put my cello away; I just don’t have the time right now.”

Unfortunately, due in part to my learning disadvantage, (Click on Growing into My Training post title for more.)I’m not the player I desired to be. If I would have been able to pay attention to the right details as I played scales and etudes over and over, things may have been different.

No time for regret. Something is changing and as the many, many adult beginners are reminded, it is never too late. In spite of having less time to practice and no money for lessons, I am probably playing better than I ever have. While I do take medication that helps with my focus and concentration, I would not be able to progress as I have recently without those years of training and experience behind me. With a little focused effort, I’m now able to literally and figuratively get up to speed in ways I never dreamed.
However, because I was never quite the cellist I shoulda/coulda/woulda been, I don’t trust myself to be right, especially with rhythm. I spent many years playing with and relying on professionals. Now I find myself leading a section and sometimes, I am the section. Leading a section is a scary thing. In addition to learning the notes and rhythms, I need to learn to trust my ability and my musicianship.

This all came to a head several weeks ago. Our spring concert included an arrangement for 2 trumpets and strings of “My Spirit Be Joyful” from Bach’s Easter Cantata #146. Our conductor, a trumpet player would join our guest artist, Allen Miller of the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra for the piece. I was looking forward to not only performing it, but for my daughter, a beginning trumpeter, to hear it. I worked very hard on the music, including using a metronome extensively. I knew it in my fingers, bow, and heart.

The night of the performance, we had a rehearsal. It went terrible. Even though, I knew I was right, I’d hear something off and get sidetracked and lost. I must get over this problem. Just because someone might have a better and stronger sounding instrument and plays more confidently does not mean they are always correct. I was not in any way faulting others: I’m supposed to be the leader and play correctly! This was my problem. By the end of the rehearsal, I was almost in tears because it is very exposed and I could not seem to pull it together and play what I knew.

During the break, I mentioned my frustration, or rather distress to our concert master. She knows a little more about my background and has asked me to play some jobs with her. I felt I could share this in confidence. She first thought that I didn’t understand the rhythm and I assured her that I worked very hard on the piece and did indeed understand it. She then said, “Then you know it…just play what you know.” I told her I know I just have to block everything out except the conductor and the music I’m playing. She smiled, put her arm around my shoulder and said, “this is character building”. Then she asked if I wanted to go over it during the break. The strings played it again with the conductor and I was still struggling. My stand partner tried to tell me how he gets mixed up like I do and pointed out how this one rhythmic figure was not the same as the rest. I tried not to show my displeasure, but I made it very clear (tactfully, I hope) that I was very aware of that particular rhythm. I don’t usually get so defensive, but darn it, “I know what I’m doing!” (Sorry, it was very frustrating!) We played it again and it went better, but still not the way I knew I could play it.
And so, I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed to God…

…And God answered. Our performance was not exactly in the style of Bach, but it was correct in terms of rhythm and notes. When we had intermission, all of the string players were so relieved with how it went. I said, “Yes, and the next time, I will play it as Bach would have it played!”
My cohort, the concert master said we should be happy with the way it all came together. I replied, “my spirit is joyful” And then I declared to her and myself, I’m finally growing into my training!